It’s crazy isn’t it, how so many things have changed in matter of weeks. Just a few weeks back it would be unthinkable that whole households across the nation, and the world, are having to stay indoors. Not allowed to venture out, unless for essential items or one form of daily exercise. I’ve seen endless tweets and posts about being in quarantine and the importance of staying home. But for some it’s hard. They live alone, or are in a busy environment where they feel they can’t relax. This current situation demands us to be more empathetic, more compassionate and more present.
This is hard, and unprecedented. No one knows how to behave. We’re confused and lost and not sure when this will all end. Outside feels more peaceful but only because the unsettled feeling has moved indoors. It’s hard not to go stir crazy feeling so restricted – and when the weather is so damn nice!
As a Teacher, I am still able to work during isolation, which I am so thankful for! Bizarre as it may seem, but I am maintaining some form of teaching relationship with the children in my Reception class. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not under anywhere near as much stress and pressure as those teaching older years. But nonetheless I’m doing my best to do what I can with the situation.
One thing I’ve loved is how I’ve been able to stay connected to my class through the power of the internet. Sure the internet has a lot of rubbish things about it, but for one positive, it’s meant I can still communicate with my class. They upload photos and videos and I do the same, and although I’m sitting in my lounge and them in theirs, it feels close to the classroom again.
I’ve struggled the few days I’ve had to stay home. Before, when I was being able to go to school still everyday, it wasn’t so bad. Although I wasn’t doing anything other than work then home and repeat, I was still doing something.
There’s been an underlying pressure on myself to “use this time”. To not waste it and to exceed what I thought I was capable of before. The pressure that I need to achieve something with this free time is building and I’m trying to restructure it positively.
I feel as though my generation have forgotten how to relax. We feel guilty if we pause because we “should be doing something”. We’ve lost the ability to be still because everything is moving so fast around us. I’ve been trying to read more books for years, always saying I didn’t have time. Truth be told I did have time I just felt I needed to be busier. But since this lockdown started for me on Monday, I’ve read two books and finished a third. Do you know how crazy that is for me? It just shows that I can relax when I am forced too which is ironic really.
Now, I’m waking up with a small to do list of household chores and foods to eat with no real agenda. I’m trying to maintain some movement with daily yoga or a small HIIT workout, but ultimately my day is flatlining. I know I’m not alone in this and I guess that’s why I felt compelled to write. I felt I needed to share that its okay if you’re not happy all the time or feel like you’re being unproductive or uninspired. This is unprecedented times and so I know I need to prioritise looking after myself, but I fear I am relaxing ‘too much’. Slowly slipping into a funk of endless TV programmes and Pringles.
I love writing, and I love this blog. It’s given me a lot of space to work things through and write things down. Sure in a dream world this would be my job – but I’m not talented enough, nor motivated enough to posses the consistency required. And don’t get me wrong I love teaching and wouldn’t give it up for the world. When I started blogging back in 2015 – a whole 5 years blimey – I was obsessed with it. I blogged tirelessly, used all the social platforms and as a result I did quite well by my own thinking. Yeah, I’d love to be in that position again, but a lot has changed both for me and the industry.
I love knowing that people like what I write, and I love the things I do write about. I just feel I’m in a niche that doesn’t really exist. A place of think pieces and thoughts. I will never be the blogger that posts cute outfit posts or skincare routines because despite loving to read about them I don’t have nice enough skin or clothes to think anyone would care what I have to say about them.
Ultimately, writing is something I love and I keep seeing posts and articles about how we should bring back hobbies people love doing – not everything needs to be turned into a “side hustle”. But with blogging it’s difficult not to be sucked in. No matter how much I love a post or enjoy the writing process I will still get a buzz when my reader count goes up. I think any writer would be lying if they said the wrote truly for themselves only.
So who knows what this period of self-isolation will do for me and my writing; whether I will write more or less who knows. I guess it could manifest in all matter of ways. As long as I’m enjoying the process still, I’ll always keep this little space on the internet in anyway I can. The freedom it gives me and the voice I create helps in so many ways. I just hope people continue to enjoy reading it too.
If you liked this one have a read of some of my favourite posts: